Sunday, November 20, 2005
Happiness is missing from my world. 2+2 doesn't equal four. I'm sad, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm lonely. I'm smiling, I'm laughing, I'm beautiful, I'm in love. Neither side totals complete happiness. I hate what I've become. I hate that I never stopped myself. I hate that I don't want to change.
I'm not worthy of food because I don't look like you. No fingers needed for this equation. It never really worked anyway. Breakfast, Lunch and Supper, I'll look away. I hate you like I hate myself. I'm so hungry, but food can't make me full.
I love you. I miss you daily, and I'll probably miss you for a lifetime. I ache to see your face, to look into your eyes. But once your here. I scream, I cry, I hurt. You. I push you far away out of reach leaving you with all the blame. I make you scared to be yourself. I'm not worthy of food, I'm not worthy of you.
I hate pain but ill scar myself a million times to be reminded of how pathetic I am. I'm weak more than I have ever been. Friday my heart almost stopped beating. So I thought. I fell easy for my own games. Playing with every little peice to see how long it would take me until I was dust.
I hate my mind, my heart, my soul. I hate how I can't just be happy for her. To give her a hug and tell her I love her, smile and wish her luck. Instead I have to rip out the happiness I just can't have, and stomp on it right before her eyes.
Maybe there will be better days, where I don't burn myself and everyone around me. I'm not crazy, I'm just alone. I don't need anyone to talk to, just someone to see my cry, and watch my tears fall.
Signed,
a girl with a broken everything.
Posted at 7:35 pm by
Heart_ache
Monday, November 14, 2005
hiding in the corner
shivering from the cold
in a heated room
ball and chain
wrapped around her ankles
everythings a metaphor
but shes still shivering
weigh her down
as she climbs to the surface
thoughts sinking her soul
her life is hollow
like bones filling out the blue dress
she wore to prom
cover her face
with your love stained sheets
smother her with solid lies
it was only a kiss
Posted at 7:05 pm by
Heart_ache
Saturday, November 12, 2005
sometimes i wish
i was too young to understand
Posted at 9:42 am by
Heart_ache
Saturday, November 05, 2005
If i make it past 20...
i call that a miracle.
Posted at 11:40 am by
Heart_ache
